The fear of being ungrateful

In being pretty honest about our journey, I’ve been starting feel as though maybe I should just keep it all to myself, smile and say “everything is perfect!”.

The sentence of "not wanting to be seen as ungrateful" came up from a mother who admitted recently their own struggles with their son back when they were a newborn. I was shocked because they have only ever presented a picture perfect world via instagram.

It got me thinking about it all.

I know that so many people are unable to have children. The whole motherhood journey is heartbreaking for many who are unable to experience this chapter and seeing others have what they want, can’t be easy on their hearts. I thought maybe I was in fact one of those people, as getting pregnant wasn’t something that just happened for us. And while we were trying, for months, everyone around me was popping up pregnant. It took us a year before things lined up and then, because of the fear of knowing anything can happen, we waited until about 4 months of being pregnant before we shared our news publicly. 

I was careful in how I shared it in person or at least I tried. And when sharing online, I tried to be gentle just in case it hurts others, but while also being happy in our the excitement we were feeling. It’s a delicate subject I knew already and always try to be careful in talking about it. And, in that, I sometimes feel like I shouldn’t talk about the hard times because perhaps others see it like being ungrateful of such a gift; a gift not all people can have.

But, in the fear of being ungrateful or seen as so, people put on a show where everything is perfect instead of just owning their truth. Hard or easy, light or dark, there is beauty in it all and without the dark you’ll never see the light. This is real life, this isn’t some fairy tale. In hiding the parts that aren’t perfect, we create a world where when someone is faced with hardships, they feel like there is something wrong with them, that they are broken, damaged and become alienated at a time where the support of others, their tribe, their village… those people you trust with your vulnerability… well its the time that those people can be there for you, to help you get through it and show you that you are normal, you are human and you are not broken.

This might not be your story and it all might come easy for you. And if so, that’s incredible that’s your story. Own that, too. Love that. Never take it for granted. But if it’s not, don’t feel anything other than proud that you are owning your story too, and getting through every single day. If it’s hard, it’s ok. Having it be hard won’t define you as a failure. It doesn’t mean you are broken. Or, a bad mom. It’s just part of the journey and I think in some way, it will just prepare you to be even better than ever for all the things to come. Life isn’t perfect, you aren’t perfect. Perfect isn’t something that we should strive for. Perfect is boring. Embrace the imperfections that make life beautiful. Embrace the perfect imperfections that spice life up and build character, build life and build strength. You got this.