Mama Muse Eryn | a tandem breastfeeding journey
I have known Eryn for many years now. She is and has always been a beautiful kind and nurturing soul.
Seeing her as a mother has only been an online experience with the busy lives we’ve been leading as entrepreneurs, while also being new mamas, and then also the fact that we are loving through a pandemic.
This shoot was the first time I was in person with her to witness the beautiful mother she is. It was so special seeing my friend take on this role with such grace and love, but also not surprised at all as that is very much who she is. During our session, I learned that she was tandem feeding the babes and soon, Eryn shared a bit about their journey. I am so honoured to share their story and feel it perfectly aligns with #nationalbreastfeedingmonth
Words by Eryn | Photos by Scarlet
“Olly and Loki boobie share, a breastfeeding story
I sit here writing this little story while holding my phone in one hand making small notes about our journey, while I have my toddler on one boob and my 3 month old on the other. Did I ever imagine that I would be a mom who tandem nursed? No way, but here we are and I love it more than anything I could have ever imagined.
Loki my daughter was born a month early 2.5 years ago, I was hoping to do a natural, at home birth with my midwife and even had the birthing tub ordered. When my water broke 5 weeks before she was due, the complete opposite happened. I delivered her by c section (she was breached) in the hospital. While it wasn’t what I had imagined I knew I had to be open to the possibility of anything happening. Not being stuck with one vision of what I wanted for me, this was her journey into the world, and I am so grateful for how it unfolded.
I knew that I wanted to breastfeed my daughter, this was a huge priority for me and I let the nursing team and my family know I needed support. I started pumping immediately after giving birth, this was such a new concept for me but I went along with it with an open mind. I was not able to nurse her right away, so this was how our nursing story began. I remember my midwife had said to me “Don’t be upset if she is not able to breastfeed because she came early, she may not have the coordination to do this. Be prepared for anything to happen.” For me, this was very upsetting and I didn’t really know how to process that. Luckily my mother in law is very, very pro breastfeeding and was a part of the La Leche league thank goodness so I had the biggest cheerleader on my side. “Don’t listen to her, you can do this, it’s the most natural thing and of course she will know how to breastfeed”
Loki was able to nurse a few days after birth and thankfully latched right away on the first try. I almost cried and remember feeling an instant connection and overwhelm of powerful and beautiful emotions. I sat with my baby girl every day for 10-12 hrs in our chair in the NICU and successfully had her breastfeeding enough to maintain a full feed every time. This was huge for me and I felt that with the right support and patience we worked with her, I was able to take her home as a fully breastfed baby. Our breastfeeding journey together has been a really beautiful experience that I am so grateful for. I truly do not want her to stop because I love our connection time which is really only at night before bed or before a nap these days. There is the occasional time she will ask to be a part of Olly’s nursing time which she lovingly calls “boobie share” and this is when I tandem nurse, so here is where the story begins with my son who was born 3 months early this year.
I went into pre term labour on a Wednesday evening, I had no idea that this was happening by the way. I just remember feeling a little off that day. I was 6 months pregnant and gearing up for the Holidays, just a week before Christmas. The next day I had some mild cramping and decided to call my midwife, she said it sounds like Braxton hicks and not to worry. By Early Friday morning I was in so much discomfort that I called her again at 5:00am. I said “this does not feel right” she said maybe I should go to the hospital to the midwife unit and just see what is happening to be sure. Well, I was 2cm dilated and in labour. I was in shock, how is this happening? What happened? And Why? Is my baby ok? I was rushed to another hospital where I stayed for 2 days. They managed to slow my labour which would help baby have a better chance when they are born this early. By Sunday morning, Olly my son was born into the world. It was a full moon and the eve of winter equinox. I was able to have a natural birth this time. I was able to see him for a few moments and fully take in what had just happened. Then they rushed him away to the special care unit to give him all the support needed being born so early. I really had no idea what to feel, I was so happy to have a son, to have just given birth and at the same time so angry and sad that I wasn’t able to keep him inside longer to protect him. I was in the same situation again, pumping and about to head into an even longer road with the NICU and my baby. I knew it would be at least a few months, not sure what to think or even feel, I knew I just had to keep my head up and keep going. I came home to Loki and remember that being so emotional, I had not been away from her for more than a day. I also came home without Olly and wanted to have him beside me, taking care of him, nursing him and all of those wonderful newborn moments you cherish. Over the next few days, I pumped every 3 hours while also nursing Loki, who was a big help in keeping up my milk supply. I would drive an hour each way to bring Olly milk and of course spend time with him, support him and watch him grow. I finally got to hold him in my arms after 1 week and this week felt like forever. I could honestly feel this lack of touch in my milk supply and could sense that I needed that skin to skin touch to help me and him grow and develop. They fed him my pumped milk through a tube and this went on for a few weeks, and then a couple of months. I did not miss a day going down to the the NICU to be with him and we developed our flow at home. Not being able to go see Olly together (my partner and I) made the experience feel more lonely than it should. It was truly a balance and required a lot of mantras and daily meditations.
Having Olly in the best care and being his support was #1, this was his journey that I am a part of. Keeping my head up and knowing that “this is just a moment in time” was what I would say every day. I felt guided and would get small signs or omens that everything would be ok along the way. There were a number of obstacles that Olly had to overcome during his time in hospital before we could start breastfeeding. He had meningitis twice and also required surgery to relieve some fluid in the brain that were causing him to have seizures.
After about 3 months they said I would be able to try and nurse him. His oxygen support was at a level that he would be able to try and he was now at an age (38 weeks roughly) that his body would tolerate the oral feeding. Luckily I had a lactation consultant and primary nurse who were supportive, along with my mother in law and partner to support me. I was so nervous and excited to have this bonding experience with him and I knew it would help him grow and connect with me even more. We had to do pre and post weights for Olly for our breastfeeds to be sure he was getting enough milk. He latched on his very first try and I cried the happiest tears. The lactation consultant and the nurse were so surprised and so happy with how he did which made me feel proud. Our breastfeeding journey for the next month was an interesting experience being in the NICU world. I always had a nurse checking in or watching over me (literally over me) “did he latch? Does he need a top up? How long has he been nursing for so far?” talk about pressure! I was just so happy to be holding and feeding him that I just had to block them out. It was a whole other level being monitored the whole time. I could really feel the pressure to “perform” the way they wanted me to, to prove to them that I was capable as a mother to feed my child, care for him and hopefully take him home after 4 months. I was exhausted and ready! I just wanted to go home and feed him, care for him and not be on constant watch and attached to monitors. Nursing while Olly was attached to 2 monitors and a feeding tube was definitely a challenge, and we made it work. At night I would go home, pump every 3 hours and nurse my daughter to bed, then do it all again the next day. During the last couple weeks I was spending 8-9 hours with Olly so that I could be the one to nurse him and not have the nurses give him bottles. There was a point in time when I thought he had “nipple confusion” which really freaked me out for a few days, so I decided to spend a little more time with him to help him adjust. Breastfeeding was always a priority for me to feed my children and have that connection time with them. I was able to bring Olly home finally after 4 months once the nurses were confident that I could feed him without the help of a feeding tube or the bottle.
Now that I have both of my children together I am incredibly grateful beyond words and of course “how am I going to juggle 2 nursing babies”
From the first day Olly was home, Loki had no problem sharing with Olly. As soon as I nurse Olly she wants to be a part of this too. This was a bit overwhelming at first but now I love it and think of it as our snuggle time.
I am proud of how far we have come together as a family. Olly is now 20lbs, healthy and happy as can be. I know there is still so much misinformation out there around nursing and even more with tandem nursing, especially a 2.5 year old . Breastfeeding is the most natural thing you can do for your babies and this should be celebrated. I understand that there are many women who are unable to breastfeed and I truly hope they are supported in every way possible. I hope we can normalize, support and empower women to breastfeed. To not feel the need to cover up or to have a “cut off” age of when their baby should stop. I know I will let Loki decide when she is ready to stop, I know I will be so emotional when that day happens but also so proud we came this far together. I’m hoping for many more “boobie shares” in our future. “ - Eryn
