comfortable in my skin
At 36 weeks pregnant, and very swollen might I add, I waddled myself over to the east end to a beautiful studio to meet my girl, Jessy from Bows & Lavender, for the last documentation of my pregnant form. Jessy was the other sweet gal I was honoured to be working with in documenting my ever expanding belly.
This would have been the fourth time I was photographed while pregnant. The first time was for our yearly photos (Anthony lets me hire a photographer each year to document our relationship as it grows through the years) and I was just starting to have a wee little bump that we tried to hide in the shoot because it wasn’t about the bump, it was about us. Those photos are our secret hush hush just for us photos that I so want to share, but alas, Anth loves that no one but us & Stacey Krolow, our sweet friend and photographer knows about. Then, once that belly was in it’s biggest form and the timing was right, we documented it and our relationship with the one and only Laurken. Then, Anthony left for a month, and like a lot of our relationship, I’m home alone (but with Lucy). So, true to our life, I wanted to document me & the belly, just us. Insert Joanna and now Jessy. If you already read the other post, you know I already admitted to being vain while pregnant (haha) and I’m ok with that because my relationship with my body has never been healthy until this bump emerged.
Ok, back to Jessy, and her breathtaking photos.
True story; when I first asked Jessy, way back at maybe 20 weeks pregnant, to take these photos for me, she turned me down. Her reason was because she doesn’t document pregnancy and that she’s not a maternity photographer. And, that was exactly why I wanted her to do this for me. Her style of photography, similar to Joanna’s, moves me in this intimate way. Nothing about either of their work is cheesey or fake. They create images that just make me moved AF!
So, I pestered her some more and she eventually said yes.
What I love about this shoot besides having a big girl crush on Jessy, as she fluttered around the room chasing light and shadows, was how she would then place me in these spots and just let me connect with my belly. I don’t think I looked at the camera once, which allowed me to just focus on the butterflies in my belly. This shoot was bittersweet because it was the last still moments I had with the baby bump before the pace of life picked up as the due date got real close and a whole new set of butterflies set in.
For me, this shoot is about connection and the quietness I felt as I finished up work. It was the time in which I started to truly prepare for the baby’s arrival and the world of motherhood. I love that when I look at the images I can feel it all. It’s such a special time in my life. I can remember so many things about that day so vividly.
I remember being a bit flustered that I was almost late (being late is the biggest thing that gives me anxiety), but seeing Jessy as I pulled past her, slowing down to say I was gonna park around the corner and be right back, with her big smile, just put me at ease. I fully waddled from the lot to the studio entrance. She had the cutest outfit on with this cool hat. She helped me with my bag and then we made it up the couple of flights of stairs (stairs were my big challenge as they left me INSANELY winded). Once we were settled in the studio, she began fluttering around, she put on this playlist that was totally me (I was all smiles knowing how similar our music taste was) and showed me some of the inspiration photos she had. I love that she had paintings and even a photo that Joanna had taken not knowing I had just worked with her. And then, we chatted and she helped me with what to wear from what I had brought and suddenly we were mid shoot and there was this calm over me that almost had me in tears because I was so in my element. Throughout the whole pregnancy I didnt give myself much time to slow down or focus on me. My whole career is about others and I was working hard to get everything in a good place so I could step away to have a baby without affecting anyone else. Even in my relationship, I’m constantly worried about Anthony and how he feels and how we was gonna feel as our world shifted with this whole new person. I didn’t take much time for me and the belly. I didn’t really slow down.
But this shoot is one of those times that I found peace in the stillness and was able to truly connect with the little person in my belly. When I look back on these photos I remember those feelings, that emotion and appreciate it more than I could ever express.
Thank you, Jessy. I’m really glad you said yes. xo
