still waiting
Are you ready for it, I’m going to write the words that I never thought would cause me so much stress.
We are hoping for a home birth.
Crystal & Cam, when coco was born. Photo by me @scarletoneill
They say you shouldn’t have a plan because you can’t plan this, but I think it’s ok to hope for some things, as long as you are open to anything that happens. But with that said, here is the plan, the hope and/or the preference.
We are having a home birth.
We are with Kensington Midwives.
We are hoping to have a water birth.
Photo of Rachel & Chris, when Nimkii was born. Photo by me @scarletoneill
We will be surrounded by our little tribe of ladies including my sweet pup, Lucy. The ladies include our midwives, our doula Zoe, and photographer, Agnes from Northern Wildflower. All are friends as well, which has been a really lovely thing to have had crossed over.
If it’s evening, we’ll have dim lighting with candles and there will be soft music playing. I’ve even made up a playlist so I’m ready.
After it’s all done, and everyone has left, we will snuggle in our bed just us, the babe and Lucy.
Why?
Because Anthony & I have envisioned the birth of our babe, and this is what we hope happens, and what we feel most comfortable with.
When we got pregnant, I expressed to Anthony how I felt about home births vs hospital births, and even though it's my body, it was important that he be 100% on board, which he was. We did our research on the three options of care when it comes to birth, we talked about the 10 births I've attended (from c-sections, to hospital births with epidurals, to home births both in water and out of water) and we met with two different midwife offices before making our decision.
The universe (if you believe that sort of thing) also gave us a hand into keeping us on track with which route to take. And, as I write this, we are 10 days late and I don't know if in the end, after all this we will have a home birth, but there is nothing I would have done differently up to this point.
Our midwives have been warm, present, supportive and informed us of all our choices. They have been constantly in tune with us and the baby. Mine and the baby's health has been constantly cared for, and we have been so well educated on everything up until this point.
Support or, lack there of
There has been a group of people who’ve taken up a lot of space in my heart when it comes to our birth plan. They do not agree with us wanting to have a home birth. Some people have only just come around to it now days before the due date, sadly, the damage has been done on my sensitive little heart. For the whole birth I was scared to be confidant in my decision because of how these people reacted to my choices. These people were never interested in learning about our choices, and didn’t truly listen when I explained everything, over and over again. “What’s a moula?” I got asked from someone close to me. They were mixing up a midwife and doula, merging their titles and not having any idea what either of them do. Never once did they look into what a midwife was, or their education and when we shared that they were completely funded by the ministry of health, shock came over that person, almost bewildered.
If you don’t know much about midwifery, I’d really urge you to look into their practice.
Most people assume a hospital birth is what our plan is because that’s the “norm”. Every piece of unsolicited advice starts with "when you are at the hospital..." "at the hospital" or "make sure your doctor". So even those who aren’t judging, if feels like judging just because of the negativity I was faced right away.
When you become pregnant, it’s like you are wearing a sign that says “give me all your advice, even if I don’t ask and even if I don’t seem to want to know”. TRULY. They would see my belly and one of two things happened, one; they would touch me, or two; they would tell me how I should do ____ (insert anything related to motherhood). Both, are not ok by me, but I got really good at grinning and baring it, which in retrospect, I wish I had stood up for myself a bit more, or actually, a lot more.
Saying we are hoping to have a home birth, with midwives, in a birthing pool are the three things that leave bewildered expressions on most peoples faces. Some people ask for clarity but most just go directly into how they feel about it.
For me, I hope to be amongst our things, with music, calm ambiance and Lucy. I want to be home, it's my happy place. Sharing this part on the rare chance the conversation ever gets to me and my reason why gets me even more weird looks.
I want to let the baby come out on their own time and speed without jumping to conclusions and assuming the worst. I want the birth to be calm. I don’t want there to be drugs, wires, needles and machines as part of our story. I don’t want to feel restricted to a hospital bed or have my hands wrapped in wires. I don’t want unfamiliar faces rushing in and changing the energy of our space. I don’t want to feel like we are just a patient in a room with no names, just a number.
I trust in our midwives. I trust in their experience, their education, training & their understanding of the process. Our midwives and our doula are the people who will help bring this little babe into the world. These are the people for us. They’ve made us felt safe the entire pregnancy and I know that it will continue like this.
In hearing our plan, people don’t skip a beat in telling me "but just make sure you have a doctor on call", or my personal favourite, "but just get a real doctor".
And I have to ask, maybe that's what is getting in the way? Maybe that’s what holding this baby up?
I think a part of me felt ashamed of what I wanted to do because so many people thought it was ok to belittle what we hoped for. I get so scared that these people are putting out in the universe for us to end up in the hospital just so they can say, I told you so.
But no matter what happens, I know that because we have a team of amazing people on board, we will be ok. I just hope we can stay close to our plan, but really, the only thing that matters is making sure the little babe is healthy and happy.
A home birth I photographed. Crystal, Cam & Coco. Photo by me @scarletoneill