the waiting period

We are in the waiting period now.

It's kind of like the movie Ground Hogs Day.

The same thing happens each day, and really nothing has actually happened as we wait for the big thing to happen.

Every morning we wake up, or rather, when Anthony wakes up, because I've been up to pee about every hour since going to bed, and we/Anthony takes Lucy out to pee. I pull myself out of bed while he's out and soak in the bath. My hips are sore now, and my pelvic area is aching tremendously (but with what I’m about to go through, this is nothing- at least I think so). Once my due date hit, I got immediately uncomfortable, but I still loved being pregnant even though the discomfort was settling in.

Anthony makes us breakfast sandwiches, we eat them while I experience heartburn twice during breakfast. While I attempt to get ready, at the speed of molasses, he gets ready for the day like there is no tomorrow. I've re-located where I get ready to outside the floor by my desk where sitting is easier because standing is next to impossible for long periods.

Then, when I eventually finish getting dressed, my hair is done and makeup is complete, and I’m feeling like a million pounds, I mean bucks, we either go to a midwife appt, an ultrasound appt, OR, we run a baby prep errand. Or, we go for a walk, or a waddle rather…. Then we get home and snuggle up on the couch. While waiting for the babe, we've managed to watch the entire Marvel collection, which is over 36 hours and now have no idea what to watch, which is hilarious given how much downtime is about to be had.

Then somewhere in there we eat lunch, maybe go on another walk, then it's dinner time. And then, I fall asleep on the couch snuggled next to him.

I've turned off from the world while waiting for the baby being past the due date. I actually stopped posting on social media, because every other message, or comment, is someone asking me if the baby has arrived, and it's starting to weigh on me.

Today, before our midwife appt, while eating gelato in a coffee shop while the rain poured down outside the window and we people watched, a friend called me. So many people have offered their time to chat with about the waiting period and while everyone is SO kind and every experience is helpful, finding the right person is important.

If I can give you any advice, know yourself and who is similar to you. Their advice is invaluable. Don't overwhelm yourself with so many options, and just because you love someone doesn't mean they have all the answers. Find the person that matches what you believe in and listen to them above anyone else.

My friend Crystal is that person to me. I've witnessed her first baby being born years ago. Coco's birth story is one of my favourites too. Nothing was regular. Nothing was by the book. It's a learning lesson of what life is; unpredictable and unique. I think life is like this. And, I've struggled to find people who believe in life the way I do, especially in regards to my birth preferences, except Crystal.

Coco's birthday is today. She was 18 days late. It was a hard labour for Crystal, but it was truly beautiful. It was a home birth with midwives. A lot of worries surrounded the birth, but there was trust, faith, communication and such belief in what was happening. 

I spent half an hour on the phone with Crystal, while watching the people outside jump puddles, run from the rain and some enjoy it slowly walking as they were completely soaked.

Crystal asked me how I have been connecting to the baby. It hit hard because preparing for the baby, and the time I wanted to give the baby once they arrived meant go go go going… and I hadn’t really connected. I've been available to everyone, but myself. I crossed off lists and lists of things to do. I’ve hustled and I’ve been busy. I haven't turned off the world and just been together with the belly. 

I think that in itself is a big part of what needs to happen now. I need to get out my fears and my worries, I need to get out what I am excited about and happy about. I need to let those emotions come out and be present. I need to bond with the baby, even though I haven't met them yet. This might not be for everyone but for me, I think it's important. So often in my life, I make room for everyone but myself, and with this new chapter, I need to change this. 

I need to take the rest of this time, while waiting for baby, and I need to connect. I need to relax and feel positivity. I think with so much stress in our world and so many stressors around this baby's due date (something I'm not sure I want to go into right now as it's been a hard to talk about) there is this negativity and I believe that needs to go away for things to line up and welcome the baby into the world in a lighter, better way.

So, we continue to wait.