love & partnership
I’ve been in four serious relationships before Anthony. Once we decided that this is it, it’s us forever, that was it, I knew he was my guy. But before him, each relationship gave me deep insight into what I want when it came to love. Each relationship has taught me big life lessons; hard ones, heartbreaking ones and the ones that you can only learn through pain. There was obviously good with each one, but there was almost always something missing from each one and therefor, each one came to an end.
What was missing? What was the one thing that each lacked, you ask?
It took me meeting Anthony for me to fully understand what it was that was missing.
And when I found it, it all kind of just made sense.
We have a partnership. And, it’s one of my most favourite things about us. It’s also the one thing that when it starts to bend or crack, causes us so much strain and heartache. It’s something I remind myself all the time, because in anything that matters, you have to always keep working on it, communicating, keeping it fresh and making sure you nurture it as long as you want it to be a part of your life.
As you might know, I’m a wedding photographer. A professional third wheeler. My world is documenting others relationships.
Yes, it may seem like I see all the best moments, but being a candid photographer shooting those in between moments, you can really see if there really is love there, or the kind of love that exists. When it’s all about the party, all about the details of wedding, all about the family, then there isn’t much room for the couple. That often means that those in between moments of stolen kisses, hand caresses, little looks and tender touches don’t really exist. That means I’m left with nothing except trying to get two people to look like they are in love, and that means it’s all about those posed, forced moments, and there is nothing more gut wrenching then shooting a lie, or being the one responsible for creating the love between two people you barely know.
Now, I’m not saying that every posed photo is fake, I just think that you shouldn’t have to tell two people who are in love how to look in love. You can help them get comfortable in front of the camera, guide them into good light, tell them where to sit, stand, cuddle and you can ask them questions that guide them into melting into each other. Ya know? Being a photographer means documenting the real moments, documenting what’s there. I’m not a magician, that was my dad’s out of high school job and the only trick of his that I carry down with me is burning a five dollar bill, but making it re-appear inside a lemon! It’s a great party trick, ask me about it sometime if we are ever having a bottle of wine together.
Since dating Anthony, I’ve taken big steps in reshaping my career. Finally being in the kind of relationship that makes me want to experience my own life and not spend my life completely focused on others. Up until that point, I had put all of myself, my heart and my time into others relationships & milestones. And, suddenly all my memories weren’t my own, everywhere I’d adventured was for someone else’s important life event and all my clients were my friends; where the lines between really being friends, or are we acquaintances, or client and hired photo girl, or are we friends…. well the lines became blurry. There was a time at the beginning of our relationship where every person I would tell him about would be a client turned friend. And, as time would go on, I started to feel weird about charging my friends, and then I was starting to work for free. But when things would get tough, these people weren’t interested in my life and hardships because I despite how I felt, we weren’t really friends, just a really friendly people who hired me, but then stopped paying for the service I was providing that paid my bills….. it got complicated. Anthony brought a lot of things to the surface for me. And, he taught me a lot about myself, and is still teaching me about me. One thing he does, even when it’s hard to swallow because I’m being stubborn about what he’s said, is that he truly makes me want to be a better person. I’m grateful for that, deeply grateful.
Us. First photo by Nessa K, and second by Laurken Kendall
Professional Third Wheeler.
I make a career at photographing others love and I definitely have seen my fair share of relationships. The kind of people I forever want to photograph are people who aren’t focused on the perfection of the everyday. They are laid back, funny, smiley individuals that just wanna lay a big smooch on their partner. They are the kind of people that just exist together, and we create magic when documenting them. They are the kind of people that make me excited about my work and about what I do for a living. A few years back I was only photographing people who were focused on the grandness of their wedding and letting their families opinions matter more than what they & their partners wanted when it came to their wedding. I stopped like what I was doing and I didn’t know if I could keep doing this. Then I photographed the wedding of a couple who just couldn’t get enough of each other, who did things their way and well, my love for what I did returned real quick. I knew then what I had to do, so I started to make big changes to make sure that I was only working with the kind of couples who melted my heart. Those couple who I know I’m a good fit with, who are a good fit with me. When I stop loving what I do, I’ll stop doing it because this work takes me away from moments in my life that are important, so it better be worth it. It has to be worth it.
Photo by me, Scarlet. Tori & Mitch, at home, 2017.
Being in the love world I often ask myself questions about love. Especially when things get tough.
What is a relationship really about? Why be with someone? Why trust your heart, your body, and your time with another human?
I don't know if I truly know the answer, but my own answer is love.
How do you give your heart to another? What if it all falls apart? What if it breaks me?
I am not an expert, but one thing I've seen in lasting relationships is when the couple & the relationship embodies the definition of a Partnership.
I think it's so important to equally be in it together. Not one foot in and one out. Not "sure honey, whatever you want" and not constantly eye rolling your way through the days. Not talking badly about your partner, more than talking good. Not understanding who your partner is just doesn't work. These things are the opposite of partnership and things I see day in and out in people's relationships. And when I do, it kind of breaks my heart.
With my work, I'm there to watch and document their love. And, sometimes it's hard, because sometimes there are people that I don't know if they should be together. Some people you can place a bet on how long it will last, and some warm your heart because knowing they are together almost somehow makes our world better.
I'm not an expert, but just someone that has made a career learning about love stories; the real life love tales ones, here is some things I think are important in relationships.
Photos by me. Sheila & Kyle, Stacey & Brandon, Char & Pete and Alex & Miles.
My advise on LOVE.
Be in a partnership with each other.
Work together thru life's events; all the ups & downs.
Consider each others feelings in regards to the simple things and big things.
Know one another. Like deep down inside, not just the surface parts.
Don't belittle the other. Don't make them feel small or ignored.
Let them be heard. Listen, truly.
Love them, unconditionally.
Don't let time go by forgetting to tell them how you feel, how much you appreciate them and what they mean to you.
Don't forget to make the other laugh. Start your day laughing.
Forgive. Understand.
Don't put them in a box. If you've been together for a long time or even a short time, know that they are always evolving and growing.
