the first questions
I've come back to this post over the entire course of my pregnancy to answer my own questions as I've learned the answers. These are my own questions and the answers that work for me, or even the feelings I've felt sitting on these looming questions. They might not fit your life, your pregnancy, or be in line with your thoughts, but it could provide some other views to help you find what fits best with your own curiosities!
When can I start prenatal yoga? Can I keep going to my regular yoga/pilates classes?
I'm only started prenatal yoga at 25 weeks. I wish I had done it sooner. I started to feel sore and like my body wasn’t my own around that time. I wish I was able to have kept up on my running too (but hello Canadian winters!), so that I could have done that throughout my whole pregnancy, or at a least as long as my body would let me.
In the end, I only took a handful of classes and in retrospect (writing this at 40 weeks and 5 days pregnant) I wish I had done more. But, I was on my feet so much during the second and third trimester working that I think I've been in pretty good shape and hopefully that does help with the labour. I shot my last wedding at 39 weeks pregnant in all my swollen waddling glory and rocked it.
Can I still take baths?
I know this is silly, but I actually questioned it after having people tell me not to. But, yes, just not hot baths. And, as I came to realize, baths tend to be my most favourite way to pass most days and as of last night, a really GOOD way to relax after being on my feet for 9 years straight from shooting a wedding. Adding mineral soak that's made for mom's to be is a really awesome little additive. I have been using Substance Mom's Mineral Soak which I really love. Anthony has restricted my baths to once a day for human/world reasons which is probably a good thing for our environment. He also truly believes I was a mermaid in my last life.
At 40 weeks pregnant, baths have been helping me with swelling and also with relaxing. Plus, my belly gets really itchy sometimes and the only thing that stops it is soaking in the bath.
Where do you get maternity bras?
I refuse to go to Thyme Maternity (sorry, that’s just me) which seems to be the only place to go when you are pregnant in Toronto. I've ordered the very few maternity items that I own off Asos.
I've also fallen in love with some maternity bras from Bravado designs.
And honestly, I know this sounds weird because it's not maternity at all, but the bralettes & bras from Mary Young have been amazing. I find them super comfortable, they don't hurt my belly or leave red marks like any regular bra I try to wear, and I still feel a bit sexy which is nice to off set all my grunting and waddling.
Why do my breasts ache in the cold? Or rather, why do my nipples hurt so darn much?
Holy heck this is a real thing. First trimester was Sept-Nov, second is Nov until March and these are the cold months in Toronto. What this means is freaking insane amount of pain in your nipples every time they get hard. I found this thread while searching online why and it made me feel less alone in this very weird observation of mine.
Why can't I stay up past 9pm?
This was a real challenge of mine. Maybe it was because I eliminated caffeine in the first trimester, maybe it was because I was still working like a psycho with 2-3 individual shoots a day (and editing, emailing, culling, etc), or shooting long wedding days where I was on my feet for hours straight, or maybe it was because I was GROWING A HUMAN. Whatever the medical answer, I was SO tired all the time. I started sleeping in my car between shoots and falling asleep while editing. Thank goodness by December it all came to an end (and I could stay up past 10 without yawning my head off). I was much more awake in the second trimester, but then by third… bye bye sleep.. hello pregnancy insomnia, again.
Why do I wake up looking like I had a big dinner then look 6 months pregnant by end of day?
Here is a thing NO ONE mentioned: I would wake up not looking pregnant at all, but go to bed looking very pregnant. It was almost alarming and just plain strange. I don't know what the answer is, but it's just a little something that happened to me. I'm sure I'm not alone, but it was something I just found so weird and interesting.
What's up with this sudden case of acne?
Hormonal acne is not fun.
All of a sudden I had acne everywhere. Not just my face, but my back, my chest and even my belly. The old wives tale is that if you break out, it's a girl but given 99% of people think we are having a boy well, I think this just goes to say one of my pregnancy things regardless of the baby's sex is that I get acne; and everywhere!
I did get my face under control a bit with the help of regular facials. I have gotten facials my whole life and honestly, I was never really sold by any of them until I started going to a place in the East end of Toronto called North Medical Spa. I go to Nikki and the hydra facials have been the best thing ever.
Where do I learn everything?
I've tried to be really wise with money during the pregnancy and not buy everything. I did a lot of research on books to read, courses to take, the right people to ask questions, and on & on. I bought the "What To Expect When You Are Expecting" book that most people say to buy and after going through it, didn't finish it and really didn't find it resonated with me at all (and wasted my money on it) it found its way under my bed where things go to get forgotten. Maybe it's because I have been been educating myself on birth for the past six years and I know a lot of the information surrounding birth (EDIT: coming back to this now after having giving birth…. I really didn’t know as much as I thought I did!!), or that so much of it is swayed in a way that doesn't relate to the kind of birth we are hoping on having; but whatever it is, it's a good book, but just not for me.
Nurture, by Erica Chidi Cohen has been my most favourite read. I've marked the book up with things I've come back to time and time again. I've recommended it to a few others and have found that it really does range to cover all sorts of journeys related to birth. It really prepares you for motherhood which I think is what I wanted to think about in a broader way, rather than just what to expect; especially given that all people expect different things and even what they expect isn't what they are gonna get. Give it a try. Hopefully you enjoy it just as much as I do.
Unsolicited advice. Oh my. Let me tell you, once you are pregnant, everyone wants to tell you stuff. I knew this would be the case as days after announcing my pregnancy I was getting messages from people telling me what I should and shouldn't do. As wonderfully kind as it is of these people to take time from their day to do this, it was hard to receive some advice when it can feel like they are belittling the things you've already decided to do, or the choices you've made with your pregnancy that do no align with what they are telling you. I think people should ask questions first and see if their advice is maybe going to be helpful, or perhaps hinder the person they are giving advice to. Or, maybe understand if you are two people who would be of similar minds on things like motherhood, because so often the people who had been offering up advice, or telling me what to do, were people I was very different from.
When is it ok to tell my clients? How will work be affected? How much work can I take on?
This was one of the hardest thing for me in the pregnancy. Being a photographer, and doing many weddings makes the whole pregnant while working thing challenging. I had heard whisperings of this before, but had no idea how it would be for me.
I told the clients who's weddings would be affected at the three month mark. I emailed all my June brides ( my due date was June 10th) and let them sit with my news and the options I had carefully considered and gone over & over for them before telling them the news. I had a full on plan for them with options to suit their needs. In the case of three of the eight couples, things were just fine. It was the other five couples who got incredibly nasty towards me that I was pregnant and due at a time that would affect them. Over the course of two weeks, I was a mess sorting out what to do. From angry emails with words like "how could you do this to us", "it's so selfish of you", " we are so disappointed in you" to convincing me to hop on the phone so they could really hammer it home how upset they were, how my plan wasn't good enough and "couldn't you just be there regardless". Regardless? Regardless of maybe going into labour during your wedding? Regardless of my health? Regardless of having just given birth maybe the day before?! This whole thing was such a thing, and a heart breaking thing, that I have taken to an entire entry all about this. And, when it came to how much work I could take on, I took on too much but I did manage to get it all done. I was physically sore and drained but looking back on the work I did while pregnant, it was truly some of my best work. I hustled HARD. But current Scarlet knows that she will make sure future Scarlet doesn’t work this much pregnant if she ever journeys that road again.
Why does everyone assume I have a maternity leave and maternity pay? Don't people understand it's totally different being a free-lancer?
In Canada, there is maternity leave. I don’t know much about it because it doesn’t apply to me. I am a free lancer. If I’m not working, there is NO money coming in. And, Anthony is a free lancer too and a musician, which means he doesn’t get paternity leave, and in fact, he is set to be gone as soon as the baby arrives. That’s just our lives. And, as a wedding photographer, I was booked for 25 weddings after the due date before I even found out I was pregnant, so it was either shoot them, or return all the deposits, and then also make no money. But, that’s just the life we lead. It’s not ideal, but it’s how it is and where those things aren’t so great, there are other things that make up for it.
Where do I find all the baby things?
You have to find what works for you, whether it be cost, distance to where you are living, need vs want, and the space to which you live in.
The hardest question I would get is "are you done your nursery?". Full disclosure on this one; I wish we had a nursery and I always dreamed of the cute nursery I'd have for my first baby, but we aren't in a situation to have one. Two free lance artists who live in Toronto, and worked very hard to be able to have the opportunity to buy a condo, but probably at a silly time where buying a one bedroom might have been not so smart. We don't have the option to have a nursery, but we are positive about making our space work. We've slowly purged things from the home to make room for the carefully selected baby things we've brought in. And, we've converted half our bedroom to be the baby's room, which basically means that the cute expandable crib sits at the end of our bed, with our dresser that has been cleared out for the baby's things, like the Peanut Diaper Changer and a Hatch baby light and sound maker.
We registered at a local shop I love that had all the main things we wanted. Then, we asked for gender neutral baby things. We were incredibly lucky to have been gifted most of the items from friends and family at a shower my mother had for me in my home town. My second shower was in Toronto, and my lady tribe pitched in to buy me a breast pump and some breast related nursing items that I really was grateful of getting. We purchased all the rest of the items that were left on the registry which wasn't much to be honest (as we didn’t ask for much) and we were so totally shocked and touched by the generosity of others in helping us prepare for the baby.
Why does everyone we tell about having a midwife think it's ok to belittle my choices and make me feel like I'm being a bad mother?
This is a huge topic throughout my birth. I think it was the biggest first lesson that when it comes to motherhood, everyone and I mean EVERYONE has an opinion. This became such a big issue in the pregnancy, and part of why this blog actually hasn’t even been share while I write these words.
Why am I having sleep issues?
Sleeping. Oh sleeping.
First trimester was really hard in the sleeping department. I had insomnia for no reason, well except pregnancy, I guess. I started to post on insta-stories about random things out of boredom and while doing it, I found out a friend of mine was having the same sleeping patterns. It was during that three month-don't-tell-anyone period and we were both pregnant so neither of us knew that we were, but going through the same thing.
(Updated to give a good little view of sleep throughout the pregnancy: Second trimester was hard with sleep too, but in a different way. My body was changing drastically and I started to feel pain in my hips. It was really painful to sleep on my side, but as they say, it’s the time to start doing that. My hips were aching constantly throughout the night. I would grunt (oh the grunting) to turn from one side to another, it was not fun. Eventually towards the end of second trimester through third trimester (until week 36) I did get some good nights rest. When 36 weeks hit, I started to have to pee all the time, which meant up every hour or so to go to the bathroom.)
Why am I starting to feel disconnected from my husband when it comes to talking about our jobs? Why does it feel like mine has to shift so much and his doesn't? What if our relationship takes a back burner?
I feel like this blog will cover lots when it comes to relationships. I read this really good article from Today’s Parent that really hit home. And, maybe not all new parents go through this but, we sure are learning a newness to our relationship. I’ve written a post about the shift we are experiencing here.
What will our dog Lucy be like with the baby?
At the time I write this, I'm still waiting on the baby to arrive. I'm 40 weeks and 5 days pregnant as I write this. Lucy honestly hasn't been acting any different and there are some days I wonder if she even realizes I have this giant belly or if she thinks it's a giant ball that she might get to play with.
UPDATE: Writing this with a 5 month old little Oscar. Lucy is one sad pup. It breaks my heart most days as she sulks around our home. I got a dog walker who walks her twice a week and each morning, with Oscar in my lap who’s totally fascinated by her these days, we play ball for about an hour. I try my hardest to cuddle her when he falls asleep, but she’s been really sad with her new roommate. I think she’s waiting for him to leave lol. I hope when he starts to eat solids and drops the food, that she learns he isn’t that bad.
